Stoic philosopher Epictetus taught that some things are up to us, and some are not. What is up to us, he argued, is our intention, our judgment, and what is of our own doing. And yet, for generations, Western culture has been shaped not by the wisdom of Epictetus, but by the mythologist Joseph Campbell’s concept of the “monomyth”, the Hero with a Thousand Faces. This narrative blueprint frames the mostly male hero as one who undertakes a quest in response to changing external circumstances, overcomes external obstacles through force, and is rewarded by an external price often depicted as female desire.

The resulting male stereotype, though, depicts masculine traits predominantly as dominance and violence. It is therefore of no surprise that social studies about gender stereotypes in the United States list male traits as, dominant, violent, emotionally suppressed, individualistic, and externally validated by winning the fight. It turned out, that the prevalent monomyth has caused “Hollow Hero” and ingrained a specific and damaging stereotype of masculinity into the social consciousness. Attributing toxic masculinity to a social media persona like Andrew Tate distracts from the reality that even a self-proclaimed misogynist got his misguided ideas from somewhere. Even though Western society at large may not agree with toxic masculinity influencers they are just another face of the hollow hero mythos.

The cinematic fantasy of the male monomyth, dominance demonstrated through violence and the dive for external validation, has real-world consequences that amount to a tragedy of the hollow hero: It presents young men with a blueprint for frustration by teaching them that problems are solved with aggression, that showing emotions is weakness, and all validation must come from the outside. This creates a performance-based identity where a man’s self-worth is perpetually tied to his external success. It teaches young men to emphasize control over empathy which then contributes to a pervasive loneliness that no amount of worldly success can cure. And indeed, if you search the internet for “loneliness epidemic” you will find that even the WHO recognizes it as a public health concern backed by clear evidence. The misguided quest for dominance, control, emotional suppression, and external validation hollows out the hero from within.

The mythos poisons relationships by defining a transactional script for both genders. It teaches men that their value lies in acquiring three things: money, status, and power. These things are used as a proxy for being the hero because the mythos establishes the hero through dominance, violence, and external validation. Consequently, the mythos teaches women that they should desire in a man three things: money, status, and power. Why? Because these are the hallmarks of the hollow hero. The hollow hero reduces the sacred potential of a partnership to a crude exchange: his performance for her admiration. It creates a dynamic where a man feels valued for his function as a provider and protector, and a woman is encouraged to chase the security of a successful performer, undermining the possibility of authentic connection.

Empirical studies on relationships are overwhelmingly clear: Men break up with women when they feel emotionally unsatisfied. It would be tempting to blame the woman, but the truth is, how can a man find emotional fulfillment by exercising dominance, control, and suppress emotions? Besides, how can a relationship grow when the man hasn’t developed much because of emotional suppression? As it turned out, the true victims of the hollow hero are women.

The problem isn’t strictly one-sided though. Pervasive social media devalues character development and replaces it with the currency of attention predominantly by tapping into the human need for validation. While the hollow hero with a thousand faces seeks external validation through his career, the woman seeks eternal attention through a thousand likes. As one becomes more concerned with how one is perceived than with who one is, the plot of life is lost to a perpetual perception neurosis. A woman may chase validation through carefully curated images posted on social media, then lament the difficulty of finding an authentic connection, not seeing the tragic irony that the validation she seeks fundamentally undermines the connection she needs.

The tragedy of the hollow hero is that an empty hero myth hollows out the hero from within. Escaping the hollow hero myth starts with defining the meaning of masculinity in line with reality. The stoics state that the male role seeks confidence from within based on what is up to him and that healthy masculinity gravitates around responsibility. And that is what most women see as positive traits in men. The notion of responsibility is echoed in the teaching of Jordan Peterson who overwhelmingly resonates with you men who, after having experienced the failure of the hollow hero mythos, seek a healthy, realistic, and more natural way to conceptualize male identity.

For women, though, it’s a different story. Filtering men by character rather than bank account would be a refreshing alternative, but it is difficult to achieve in practice. For once, women seek stability in a relationship and financial certainty is a large part of felt stability. Furthermore, it’s a biological reality that when women reach pregnancy at some point regular work will not be possible any longer therefore having the man in a strong financial position remains vital to the woman to establish a family. For men, the role of providing is another form of responsibility and there is an unspoken agreement on the roles in accordance with biology and reality. A relationship grows mature the moment the unspoken agreement becomes spoken, agreed and acted upon. However, if the man is challenged to defining the meaning of masculinity in line with reality it is fair to ask the same of the woman. And that already reveals several unspoken assumptions that were felt before but not yet fully understood until made explicit.

However, the conflict over finances arises long before maternity becomes a topic. When the man is designated to provide financially, then he will raise the question of what he will get in return. And that is what a woman must answer otherwise she has no right to claim.

And for good reasons, because the man is looking for someone to dream, build, and then sail the relation-ship. If you have no dream, then where do you go? If the dream is not shared, why do you need a boat? If there are no resources available, then how can you build? If the partner can’t withstand the first storm, why continue?

Therefore, it all starts with a shared dream to believe in and make it happen. When the builder who can’t dream meets the dreamer who can’t build, a true source of existential synergy forms, and the mystery that can only be discovered by trying begins. And yet, a truly evolved relationship is not a transactional it is a synergy. It is about two co-architects, two co-builders, and two sailors who decided to sail the same boat. Therefore, the ultimate escape from the Hollow Hero mythos is the creation of a new one that fits both. And that is the entire crux, doing so required honesty and the humility to acknowledge to dream, build, and sail using the combined strength of two complete people choosing to build something that neither could create alone. Strangely, that mythos hasn’t been written before.

Marvin F. L. Hansen

History:

• First published: July 12, 2025